365 days of forgiveness.

Being back home has brought some memories back to me. obviously. some good... some not so good. the latter is my reason for writing.

its crazy you know, i haven't even seen certain people, yet i can't get my mind off of 'em.

i see the long grass sticking through the snow... yellow with death, but still acting alive. stubborn and ugly. not willing to succumb to a beautiful white death. waiting for spring hoping this next year will be different. hoping they'll get more attention than the wild flowers, finally noticed for something. but i'm reminded that just doesn't happen. least not here, not in memory lane.

i remember being treated as if i was a wildflower by someone other than my parents and friends... okay by a boy. a boy old enough to be a man, but i don't know if he was. i was scared of the attention at first, not used it. but i loved it. started buying that maybe i was a beautiful wildflower, but of course the moment i cinched my belief was followed by the moments that showed me how much of a tall grass weed i was. at least to this boy.

over 365 days of forgiving. does it really take that long? well Lord i'll choose it again. for another 365+ days, as long as it takes. i choose to forgive. its not a feeling but an action and right now i move to that.