I put a picture and filled out a little info for a profile on ondaysix.com, a dating site created by Bethel Church people.
I haven't filled out too much information yet.
A lot of the questions have to do with what I want in a spouse. And while I know a little of what I want, I don't know how to answer much of those questions. The things I really want to say... I don't know how to say. Maybe because I don't know truly what I want beyond a relationship ordained and blessed by God.
I feel like I'm being desperate by doing this. Yet, I don't think I am. Every once in a while lonely, but not desperate. I don't know why I did it. Maybe because I keep getting asked why I have no significant other... or keep being given suggestions.
I'm kind of nervous too. I almost don't want anyone to take an interest... I fear a lot. I've waited so long. I don't want to be swept off my feet or get into a relationship that will end. I just want to marry... not date. I want a friend to travel with me, a friend to be there and hold me, a friend I can sing to sleep, a lover I can support in all His endeavors, a leader who will dive in deeper with me into the wondrousness of God.
I want romantic love, but I desire to realize a deeper love...
So I really don't know why I signed up. But I did. Lord have Your will.
... not just writing to her own beat, but that of the Master.
Sunday, September 25, 2011
Saturday, September 24, 2011
Monday, September 19, 2011
12:08
So much going through my mind right now.
Why, when it is best for me to sleep am I awake. All day I was wanting this hour to come... the time to sleep.
So I listen to the Frozen Ocean.
Still... there is so much going through my mind.
thoughts on entitlement, contentment, music, my errs, my gifts, where I stand right now, the future, joys and sorrows of this time... and honestly reflecting on the past and visiting the future. According to CS Lewis, those latter things should be visited only briefly and very rarely.
I'm trying to focus. Maybe I could get my thoughts out on one entire subject. That's not working. The loudest, boldest thought playing before me is very personal. That may be why I can't focus on anything else... trying to stay away from the one thought. I've spent so much time on it already though. It's past and future. It takes away from present and contentedness. It is not good for me then.
So what do I do as I play pinball with my thoughts?
Guess I'll just turn of the noises and listen for something more in the silence. What else is there to do?
Why, when it is best for me to sleep am I awake. All day I was wanting this hour to come... the time to sleep.
So I listen to the Frozen Ocean.
Still... there is so much going through my mind.
thoughts on entitlement, contentment, music, my errs, my gifts, where I stand right now, the future, joys and sorrows of this time... and honestly reflecting on the past and visiting the future. According to CS Lewis, those latter things should be visited only briefly and very rarely.
I'm trying to focus. Maybe I could get my thoughts out on one entire subject. That's not working. The loudest, boldest thought playing before me is very personal. That may be why I can't focus on anything else... trying to stay away from the one thought. I've spent so much time on it already though. It's past and future. It takes away from present and contentedness. It is not good for me then.
So what do I do as I play pinball with my thoughts?
Guess I'll just turn of the noises and listen for something more in the silence. What else is there to do?
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