i'm tired right now, so i don't know how coherent this will turn out.
i just finished a conversation with a girl on my hall. My sighings about the lack of true artistic flow i've been having came up. I feel so dry. Yet... yes yet... i believe its okay. i dont know it yet, but i'm working on that.
art is not my description. art is just a form in which i can release the things that God has put inside of me. Thank you Lord for the opportunities you have given me in using the arts. i bless your name for it. but i realize that if God takes my art away from me, then i can still be bethany. for i am not defined by art, but by God.
so the question is... who is it Lord that you are calling me to be in this moment? a musician? you'll need to help with that. a person who's still? i need even more help with that. what are you defining me as? i am defined by God, so what are you defining me as.
Lately I have been utterly in love with God. maybe my definition lately is a lover. that would be unique unto me... wouldnt pull it passed God. i am a lover. God's lover. is that who i am?
part of me. a big part at least. i can survive without art... i dont want to but i can. as long as i know that i have my lover by my side. Lord keep me in love with you.... not emotions or feeling-ish but in love with you.
but this is my struggle, for the moment... am i to still pursue art at this time or put it aside for a bit? am i truly suppose to not be plugged in with everything... no church assignments, nothing above discipleship at school... no sports, no clubs, nothing? are you for real God? how still are you wanting me God? and what about music... why music? what are you wanting me to get out of it.... what are you wanting me to give with it?
Lord... i don't know much, but i know you are faithful. answer me, give me wisdom. i put my trust in you.
... not just writing to her own beat, but that of the Master.
2 comments:
Perhaps this will give you a little inspiration -- http://www.ahamoment.com/vote/dianna -- it's the story of one woman's "aha moment" that led her to chuck her corporate career to pursue art. If you like it, click and vote for it.
Thx,
jack@ahamoment.com
I think you will come to realize that we have "in" seasons and "out" seasons of when He moves us. And even in an "out" season if we let Him He will give to us...a gift. I think you're trying real hard to "be" something. Why don't you shift your focus onto HIM and what He is to you- try to empty yourself of YOU and let HIM be in you. I think that will make you both (the LORD and you) much happier. Jesus said that if we find ourselves we lose ourselves, but if we lose ourselves for the sake of the Kingdom and the Gospel, we will find ourselves...in Him. So, be encouraged and try to not feel like you have to impress people or "live up" to some expectation people or even you pmight have put on yourself. Just enjoy where you are! I love you, Bethany! ~
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