and todays struggle with pride

I just finished reading today my freshman writing book, Finding Calcutta by Mary Poplin.

It's about Mary Poplin's sabbatical volunteering in Calcutta working alongside of Mother Teresa and the missionaries of Charity. Beautiful book. I would suggest it.

After reading it, I have decided I have a confession to make. And whether anyone reads this or not... I only have two followers right now... haha... it's my confession.

I have dreaded being a music major since coming to APU. Overall its not been a bad experience, but its been rough. I really don't know what my true issue is, but the whole concept of me doing music scares me. I don't feel my brain computes with this. While at this moment I still don't feel I want to continue beyond this semester with music majoring (not giving up on music, just not making it my one and only focus), I am determining now to do my best on not relying on my own strength to do it. Cause I'm right... I personally can't do it.

But God is the one who has called me here, He is the one who will provide the means to complete this task... whether just for this semester of for beyond.

Two quotes from Finding Calcutta I'd like to share go as follows:
"My pride not only gives me the illusion that I am the master of my fate, but it also causes me to limit what I will attempt. Knowing my natural limitations, I narrow my work accordingly. Yet Mother saw her "nothingness" and God's greatness, and in due course established a worldwide organization (34)"
"If you are discouraged, it is a sign of pride because it shows you trust in your own powers. Never bother about people's opinion. Be humble and you will never be disturbed. It is very difficult to practice because we all want to see the result of our work. Leave it to Jesus (94)."

I realize even though I have been saying... "God I am doing your will"... I'm not fully submitting to it. I am in some sorts, but my heart and all of me aren't fully released to God. Because of pride in myself I have held onto parts of it. And this in turn has brought me stress, discouragement, a feeling of being crippled, and overall lack of peace. I can't do this on my own. It's kinda nice to know that I don't have to. Neither do you.