Being a Star

I most definitely enjoy the arts. Pretty much anything under that genre of stuff... acting, dancing, painting, writing, singing, playing an instrument... anything that pulls out creativity. Coming with that, I want my art to be seen, heard, known. I have a lot of mini dreams that fall into this area. They're mini because I don't tend to explore them. Something usually stops me from searching them out more than just a thought before bed, or a lingering desire after certain types of movies. Mostly that something is fear. Fear of failure and fear of actually being good and then that being my downfall... a fear of pride. These fears haven't quite squashed the seed that propaganda has planted within. I want to be a star. Not star as in everyone knows me and wants to be me, but star as in everyone knows my creations.

Reach for the stars...
Be a star...
Follow your dreams...
Be the best...
Be YOU, cause YOU is great, but let's just change this, so that way YOU can have all YOU want.

Some of this I even hear from within the church. It sounds good. It sounds great. I was even thinking that it's Biblical and what God wants, but without much search into, I'm beginning to wonder on the truth of it. I don't think it's Biblical, I think it's American. It's society's "good" philosophy.

Not that it's wrong to be all I can be. Or necessarily wrong that I want to be seen. Or even wrong that I follow dreams, But

When did it become all about me?

Why do I want to be a star? All puffed up with gas.... millions of light years away where my light is seen, but barely. To be a star in the sky would be to be seen only a glimpse of who I am created to be. Again, started to sound like it's all about me...

But what if I am the moon? What if I am seen, but the light that shines forth is the glory I have always been called to carry... the reflection of the light of the sun, the glory of the Son. Then it wouldn't be about me. I would be ray of hope in the night, reminding all who are in the dark that there is a sun and it will rise again.

I don't know how coherent any of this is... maybe one day I'll read through this and make it more cohesive, but it's just some thoughts that were weighing on my mind as I lie here in bed.

Sometimes truth isn't what you feel.

So many words
What should I say?
So many steps
Tell me which should I take?
So many dreams
That I'd like to chase,
But I'm standing here
Afraid of mistakes

But look, I see Him now
And my joy is rising off the ground
Wait, I hear Him now
And my soul is dancing to the sound

My heart is free,
But locked in a cage.
My peace is here,
But wrapped in a rage.
My strength's renewed,
But feels so aged.
Am I done?
At the end of my page?

But look, I see Him now
And my joy is rising off the ground
Wait, I hear Him now
And my soul is dancing to the sound

As I look up at You
And gaze upon Your face
I feel the depth of Your love
And the strength of Your grace.
You tell me,
"Baby Girl,
Sometimes real isn't real;
Sometimes truth isn't what you feel.
Hear me now...
Sometimes real isn't real;
Sometimes truth isn't what you feel."

So come out heart,
Your cage is loosed.
And peace breathe free
From rage's noose.
Strength you're renewed
For joy is the truth.
And End you're finished
Cause He's done with you.

So many words,
Hear what I say.
So many steps,
I'm on my way.
So many dreams,
I'll chase them all.
Watch me soar,
I'm not afraid to fall

So look, and see Him now.
Let your joy rise from the ground.
Wait, and hear Him now.
Let your soul dance to the sound.
Let your soul dance to the sound.

1 Tim 4:12 (part 2)

Continued thoughts on 1 Timothy 4:12

"Don't let anyone look down on you because you are young..."

Revised version for the purpose of viewing it as an "elder:"

"Don't look down on the young..."

I know, I know, I know... I'm not considered old yet. I may not be officially a part of an elder grouping, but I do find myself in places of a mentor at times and have realized that I, too, have looked down on the young.

Why, I wondered, as I read this over and over again, do I do this? I believe there are two major reasons for my doing this.

First, I have been disappointed many times by those I've mentored. I often feel as though my love, advice, and/or encouragement go right through their ears. This often makes me a little less than hopeful for their growth.

These frustrations, though, are not the response in me that scares me...

My second reason I am discovering I have for looking down on the young is pride. Yes that horrible sneaky sin. I find myself not wanting to be on the same level of someone younger (whether in actual age or in the faith).

I remember hearing through my younger years that I was intelligent, wise, or spiritually sound, especially for a young person. What is meant as encouragement can also puff someone up (I think that's why Proverbs speaks of how compliments are tests, Proverbs 27:21). I have often desired to be great, and have felt the younger I became great, the greater I would be. I am seeing that as I'm getting older I am more and more jealous of young ones who still have the opportunity of young greatness. This has led me at times to withhold wisdom I could share or to look down on the young. I have looked down on them so I won't feel as though they can really teach me. In those deep, hidden beliefs that grip tighter in their secrecy I fear that if I can be taught by someone younger than I'm really not that great of a person, or I have missed my potential.

This belief system is, of course, poppycock. Why?

I CAN learn from them, and my learning shouldn't make me feel any less of a person. The young are as much vessels of God as I am. God has used donkeys and even "wicked" people. I'm not any greater when God chooses to use me. He can use who He wants. It has nothing to do with me... SOOO I shouldn't be jealous when God uses someone else, I shouldn't use God's blessings as a means to puff up my pride.

Without pride there is no jealousy, and without jealousy I will have no good reason to look down on the young.  

This is wonderful! Now to replace some bad beliefs....

1 Tim 4:12

These are some thoughts from last night's Lectio Divina at the ROCK youth group.

1 Timothy 4:12

"Don't let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith, and in purity." 

... First thing that jumped out at me: "...For the believers..."

Why would we need to have the mindset to be an example for the believers? Shouldn't the believers already do well in these things? 

Just a thought: Often as believers we can become stagnant or plateau. We can easily begin to think that we're good enough, especially if we compare ourselves to the believer next to us... Maybe we doing "better" than them, or maybe we doing about the same. I think this exhortation to be an example is the positive way of saying don't compare or measure yourself to others. If you have the mindset of being an example your going to live according to Christ instead of according to your neighbor. Instead of meeting diluted expectations you are able to go beyond "good enough" (whatever that is) and show others what it truly means to be Christ in speech, in life, in love, in faith, and in purity.

NY Revolutions

New Years Revolutions.

It seems a little early to be thinking about this. But I'm beginning to wonder if the reason for so many failed revolutions is the fact we jump into them cold turkey... literally, more than a month after the turkey was cooked. I think I'll start some goals now... then when revolutions are in season, I'll already be ahead of the game. ; )

bad belief

What do you do when you've discovered a bad belief in your system?

You replace the old for the new.

Yes, it's that simple. It's just not that easy.

attraction

I really, really, really, really, really dislike being very much attracted to someone, but also being pretty sure that they are not someone I would marry. It makes the attraction worthless and in the way.

It's even worse when it happens to be someone I want to be friends with. At least it's not mutual... that would get complicated.

I've asked God many times in the past if He would allow me to only "like" the guy I'm gonna marry. Make things easier, right? I guess He's not all about that. I know He's protected me from so much, but I'm still trying to figure out these hormonal things.... How long have I had them? Haha... it feels pathetic, though I have been told it's normal. I hope to create a new normal.

Even though I'm having a hard time trying to figure things out, I'm not too worried about it. I want to protect my heart, so I'm giving it to God. If He allows someone to have a part of it as well then it must be okay. I just have to remember everyday to give to God. I seem to take it back by the evening. I'm not much for truly giving up control. But it is evening now and I'll give this heart back to Him. I think He's already holding it, but just to make sure I'll give it again.

Attractions come and go. It annoys me.
Jesus never loses His awesomeness. That never annoys me.

I'm glad something doesn't. ;)