bmpoet's

i'm so afraid to sing.

i've convinced myself i had something special. i've convinced myself i lost it to the unknown wrongness in my throat.

Not that i have stopped singing all together, but i crutch it. When i feel i truly falter or my overall "eh-ness" concerning my voice i blame it on the broken throat. it's not that i don't want to take credit for the good and bad i do... it's just that i'm afraid i'm bad.

i'm afraid that my throat will never feel good again, that it'll always hurt to do something that i greatly enjoy doing.

i'm afraid it'll stop hurting, but i won't be what i thought/think i ought to be, should be. And then what do i have? No pain to excuse or fall on.

i'm afraid it'll stop hurting and i'll be good... and then find myself loving myself too much. finding myself with pride. i'm afraid i will not sing for God. Maybe about Him, but not for or to Him.

i'm afraid and i know this is wrong, but i am.

Lord help me. i want to sing to you. for you.